2.17.2012

Scores of red-breasted robins, cedar waxwings and feisty cardinals have joined with hundreds of sparrows and starlings hopping through the patch of green meadow outside my window. The recent rains must have brought lots of worms and grubs to the surface, because the vast and varied flock of birds seems to be having a feast once again, as they have on several other cool, damp mornings in recent weeks.

While I'm not a particularly avid bird watcher, I can't help but be fascinated by the array of sights and sounds created by so many creatures feeding, feuding and hopping through the tall grasses.

Periodically, some sound or visual cue will startle the group, causing most of the birds to fly off into the surrounding trees in a frenzy of whirring wings. Most, but not all. There are always a few who just keep feeding - or doing whatever it is they're doing - rather than fleeing along with the others.

I've never seen any cats or other obvious predators at those times, so it's hard to know what startled them. And no apparent harm has come to those who stayed behind. But I can't help but wonder why so few stayed, while the others flew away?

And why is it that those who fled will gradually start trickling back into the feeding ground, first just a couple of cautious ones, then more and more, until there are just as many as before?

I don't pretend to know. I can't perceive what made them flee in the first place, much less understand what allows some to stay when the others don't. But at the risk of anthropomorphizing - or possibly being flat-out wrong - I'd like to think that some are just not as easily frightened as the others. That they're willing to remain focused on the task at hand, ignoring the fears of the larger crowd. That they're attentive to something, which the rest of the flock simply doesn't perceive.

I'd also like to believe that the same is true of humans. That although large segments of our fast-paced, scarcity-based, mass media-driven population can easily be spooked by the latest round of bad economic news, a potentially fatal flu, or saber-rattling Middle East blues, there will always be some folks who won't budge. Who will choose to stay focused on something that the rest of the herd aren't willing to see or believe. Who will remain grounded in love and trust, regardless of what others may say or do.

I aspire to be one of them, and hope that you do, too. And that we can find ways to support each other in remembering to stay true to our ideals. To feel our connection to Source, while trusting that "all shall be well." And that whatever the circumstance, whatever the appearance may be, love is the only power.

At least, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

With blessings,

Rudi

2.10.2012

Although there are three handsets connected to the landline phone in our house, it sure can be hard to find one when I need it.

Finding a Phone

It's probably got something to do with the multiple users and rooms spread across the two floors of our home, as well as the office, porch and yard. Or maybe, as my son has noted sarcastically on more than one occasion, it's because the phones really do grow legs and distribute themselves randomly between here and there. All I know is that it can be frustrating to find one at a moment's notice.

Making a Call

Sometimes I spend several minutes traveling around in circles before locating a handset. Other times, I simply walk over to where the Central Base Set lives on the corner of my office bookshelf and press the Handset Locator button. This causes the handsets to ring, allowing me to find a phone and make my call in short order.

I mention this because there are times when something similar happens to me personally. Times when I get so busy, distracted or scattered among various tasks that I just can't seem to "find" myself, leaving me feeling unable to focus or take appropriate action.

Getting Focused

I admit that I can (and sometimes do) keep walking around in circles, wearing that disquieting, unfocused feeling for what seems like a mighty long time. But I'm also gradually learning to recognize my scattered state when it arises. Increasingly, I'm even able to make a conscious choice to stop, take a few deep breaths and go back to my inner "Central Base."

Getting in Touch

Using my breath as a guide, I'm able to press the inner LOCATE button, which then sends vibrations throughout my system, helping me get back in touch with my body, mind and spirit. To get centered in the free flow of Spirit. And then, from that space, I'm able to feel more collected, focused and effective in taking whatever action(s) come next.

It's a little hard to describe, but a fairly simple thing to do, as long as I remember to do it... At least, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

With blessings to you and your choices, whatever they may be,

Rudi

1.27.2012

A Roomful of Blessings

Our 20th Birthday Party was a blast and an amazing success. More than 250 people came to enjoy the high spirits, fine food, fun, music and the all-round great vibes. I'm so grateful for the many generous volunteers and donors who showered the Circle with their love and supportive energy throughout the day.

But now that it's done, there are piles of supplies, equipment and left-over silent auction items cluttering our office. My desk overflows with phone messages to be returned, thank you notes to be written, songs to be learned and reminders to do this, that and the other before next Sunday.

It's all rather exciting, but overwhelming, too. At mid-morning I already find myself feeling tired and mired down under the weight of this Mountain of Stuff To Do and Not Enough Time to Do It All sensation.

A Trainload of Judgments

Not knowing what else to do, I take a few deep breaths and make a conscious choice to unhook myself from this trainload of random thoughts and judgments. I've seen this train go by often enough to know that I know I can't stop it. But I can - and do - choose to stand back a little ways from the track and simply watch the train go by. I don't try to fix or change anything about it.

Sure enough, the train doesn't go away, but it does seem to slow down. Little by little, it loses some of its volume. The intensity eases. I get a chance to send a healing focus to my churning gut, where a glut of emotions has formed a thick knot. Instead of trying to make it go away, I send my breath down into the muck and stuckness, examine the knot almost playfully, with all the curiosity I can muster.

A Gut Full of Feelings

Just about then, my Judging Mind sends another trainload of thoughts zooming down the track, giving me flack for wasting precious time on gazing at my navel, time that could be better spent on the Huge Pile on my desk, etc., etc., etc. But today, instead of knuckling under to the Judge's demand for attention, I just chuckle and watch it melt away.

Back to the Knot

Hey! This is fun... I resume my exploration of the knot, which upon closer examination, turns out to be located in my solar plexus, tucked up under the bottom edge of my ribcage and not in my belly after all. Hmm... solar plexus... the area associated with willpower and energy... isn't that interesting. No big deal. No need to label or rush off to judge this discovery. Just breathe and watch.

I continue in this vein, periodically smiling at my deep-seated need to Make Things Better. It gets particularly amusing the moment I notice my Judge whining, "Come on, Rudi, you've been meditating and studying psycho-spiritual growth processes for over 30 years. Isn't it about time for you to get serious about learning how not to take things so seriously?"

An Office Full of Treasures

A few minutes and several slow breaths later, I scan the room again. Nothing has moved, but things have changed.

The stacks of silent auction items that were "cluttering the space" reveal themselves as valuable gifts, donated with love.

Those phone messages? Whatever else might be involved, each one is an opportunity to connect with someone to love and be loved.

And that pile of thank you notes and acknowledgment letters that need to be written and mailed? Those represent the astonishing talents and collective energies of 15 (or was it 16? 17?) of my friends/professional musicians coming to make a joyful noise, to say nothing of the dozens of friends, Circle Family members and companies who helped us by donating, organizing and volunteering their time, talents and treasures in order to help us celebrate the Circle's 20th Birthday in high style.

A Heart Full of Love

So, now I'm still sitting in this office by myself, but I'm no longer alone. I'm surrounded by love. I'm filled with love. I AM love!

It's a gratifying feeling, one that reaches far beyond this particular time and space. For this, and for all the many, many blessings that I've experienced during the past 20 years of being in the Celebration Circle, I give thanks.

With love,

1.20.2012

It's relatively quiet and I'm sitting at my desk in the Circle office all by myself, yet it seems particularly crowded and chaotic in here at the moment. Reflecting on our past 19 years in the Celebration Circle, it's amazing to think of the long list of wonderful teachers, musicians and artists who have shared their gifts with us. The spiritual teachings brought by Tibetan Buddhist monks, Protestant ministers, hospice chaplains, yoga teachers, Tai Chi masters, Sufi masters, Wicca priestesses, Unitarian ministers, New Thought ministers, environmentalists, psychologists, anthropologists, and social activists. The artistry of award-winning poets, novelists, dancers, visual artists, actors and playwrights. The moving music of national recording artists such as Ruthie Foster, Eliza Gilkyson, Ray Wylie Hubbard, Tom Prasada-Rao, Cary Cooper, the Sherpas, David Roth, Chuck Pyle, Tish Hinojosa and Shawn Phillips - alongside local stars like Claude "Butch" Morgan, Chris Pfeiffer, Rachael Laven, Ashlee Rose, Regency Jazz Band, Mombassa Code and Ear Food Orchestra - to say nothing of the large, ever-evolving lineup of skilled musicians in the Circle Band.

And then there are the dozens of workshops, art shows, concerts, classes, meditations, retreats and social gatherings we have sponsored in order to share our creative approach to spirituality with the larger community.

But as varied and wonderful as that list may be, none of that would have been possible without you - and the many, many other open-minded, warm-hearted individuals like you who have dared to share your questions, cares, hopes and dreams with the other spiritual seekers who have gathered in the Celebration Circle in order to deepen our understanding. We have experienced a great deal together over the past 19 years - and have many more possibilities awaiting us. Thank you for your companionship along The Path. It is a pleasure to count you among our circle of friends as we launch into our 20th year together!

With gratitude and blessings,

1.13.2012

We pass through some pretty rough-looking neighborhoods along the five-mile stretch of South Presa Street that runs between our house and the King William area where the Celebration Circle meets, Zet works and Mateo goes to school.

I've driven through this corridor almost daily for 10 years, so I should be used to the dramas that regularly unfold on those crumbling sidewalks, where an ever-shifting cast of drug dealers, pimps and prostitutes openly peddle their wares in front of grungy bars, vacant store-fronts, run-down motels and mom-and-pop shops struggling to survive. But I'm not.

One bitterly cold, gray morning, I was driving Mateo to school when I noticed a particularly graphic scene that keeps replaying itself inside my head for over a month afterwards.

The Scene Unfolds

It was a young man in his late teens/early 20's, with the unmistakably wide eyes of a drug-induced high. He was clearly struggling, wearing only a torn t-shirt and oversized, baggy pants which were sagging down around the middle of his thighs as he clutched them with one hand, battling against the interference of his own pant legs and tripping over the shoelaces of his untied, high-top Nikes, while using his other hand to drag a very large, reluctant and heavily-muscled pit-bull by his metal-spiked collar.

No jacket against the cold, no leash for the dog, no attempt to use his belt to hold up the pants. Just a strong kid, using sheer willpower to propel himself and his dog against the elements to cross the parking lot of a particularly sleazy-looking motel.

It looked like an awesome struggle from where I sat, my well-fed body strapped into our nice, well-heated car, making my way through another well-ordered day.

Struggling With The Struggle

My Judging Mind immediately kicked into overdrive, trying to comprehend why anyone would willingly choose to go through life burdened by so many seemingly self-imposed limitations. Why do that, in addition to all the socio-economic hardships already lined up against him as a poor, young, African-American male living in a Latino barrio?

Moments later, my wannabe Enlightened Mind started judging my Judging Mind for being so judgmental and advising me to feel compassion for this young man instead, without resorting to smugness. The race was on, with each part of my mind chasing after the other to impart its perfectly valid explanations for how this young dude's life was or wasn't the way it appeared to be, and why I should or shouldn't care.

Remembering What I Forgot

But my main task at the moment was getting Mateo to school on time, which I did and which helped me put a lid on further speculation for awhile. But I've thought back to that scene several times in recent weeks, and it wasn't until yesterday while driving past that particular spot again that I got an insight into my fascination with that young man's struggle: it was so much like mine!

His circumstances may certainly look different from mine, and yet, I realized with a sudden shock, I, too, seem to have imposed a number of limitations on my time, talents and treasure in ways that a neutral observer might find hard to believe.

Here I am, living a relatively joyful and luxurious middle class life, in a comfortable home, with a loving wife and healthy child, doing creative work, which I love - and still I manage to manufacture an endless stream of struggles over work, diet, exercise, finances and relationships, among other things. All of which I have quite a bit of control over, and yet continue to struggle with after almost 60 years of experience. Why?

It's Helpful To Relax

Knowing there are no easy answers, I simply to choose to breathe into the tightness in my belly that arises as I reflect on these questions. Somehow it helps shift and lift the contraction. Helps me live with the inner contradictions. Asks me to be more available to help relieve suffering in others whenever I am able. Supports me in being present with whatever is right here in front of me, instead of dwelling in the distant past. Invites me to open myself to the free flow of Spirit. Reminds me that I have to do it by myself, but I don't have to do it alone.

Gratitude

Thank you, Young Dude, whoever you are. And you, Dear Reader, wherever you are. May you, may we, may All Beings be blessed by our willingness to remember: We Are One.

With love,

Here we are, less than a week into the new year and I'm already hearing from folks who are disappointed in themselves for "failing" to meet up to their New Year's resolutions. While I can certainly understand that feeling, and have experienced it myself on numerous occasions, I choose to see things from another perspective, one that is underlined by an apocryphal story about a man who worked in New York City, but lived on Staten Island. One morning he was a little late leaving for work and started to walk really fast to catch the ferry on time. As he came flying around the corner he saw the boat was several feet from the pier, so clutching his briefcase to his chest, he broke into a full gallop, then made a flying leap through the air and landed successfully on board before crumpling to his knees. One of the crewmembers came over to help him up and congratulate him on his athletic prowess, and then added, "but you really didn't need to do that, mister - the ship was coming in, not leaving!"

I choose to believe that our ship is always coming in. When seen as a co-creative process in which we live in partnership with Spirit - rather than a battle which we must "win" solely through own efforts, our dreams and visions are moving toward us, not away from us. Any fear that our ship, our dreams, could ever "leave without us" is only a misperception, one that is born out of a limiting belief in scarcity and separation from our Source. And it is precisely that misperception which keeps us from enjoying the bounty that awaits us at every moment - if only we can stop running after our dreams of a Perfect Future long enough to enjoy where we are now.

Not that there's anything wrong with resolving to do things differently, or setting goals or making mind maps of desired outcomes. It's just that the depth of our longing for the Perfect Job, the Perfect Diet, the Perfect Partner, the Perfect House is precisely what tends to turn all those perfectly good aspirations into yardsticks with which to measure our dissatisfaction with current circumstances, rather than supportive steps on the path of growth. Personally, I'd rather pause and give thanks for what is than keep running after something that might be. Because that's what makes it possible to accept delivery of the boatload of good that's already here - and heading my way! At least, that's my perspective - and I'm sticking to it.

With blessings,